Reflections
by Star Shadow 4
Summary: Janeway reflects on some events in her life, and how she got where she is today. Fluff. JC


Reflections  
By Michelle Dotter  
  
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all characters. The idea is my own.  
  
Spoilers: A lot of the things that happen on their journey are mentioned. Especially spoilers from the episodes 'Coda' and 'Resolutions'  
  
From the start, you were always there.  
  
Caring for others.  
  
Putting their happiness above your own.  
  
Even in the Ocampan tunnels, you were thinking of others' benefit.  
  
You might have sat there forever if not for Tom.  
  
With your help, the crews merged into one.  
  
In the beginning it was hard,  
  
And there were hostilities,  
  
But we learned to live with each other.  
  
When we were sent to New Earth, I thought I would be unhappy forever.  
  
Life without Voyager was the worst thought I'd ever conceived.  
  
That's why I clung to my research so hard.  
  
I couldn't let go.  
  
But life with you was so much more than I had imagined.  
  
It gave me a chance to see what life could be.  
  
I got a glimpse of that world the night of the Angry Warrior Legend.  
  
It was beautiful.  
  
Why did Tuvok have to turn around that day?  
  
If only we could have stayed there a little longer.  
  
Life would have been so different.  
  
Someone once told me that you could get more out of one look  
  
Than a thousand words.  
  
The last look we shared on New Earth told me so much  
  
About what you were feeling.  
  
Those first few years were so.  
  
Bonding.  
  
Q, Seska, the Macrovirus,  
  
Every tragedy and accomplishment brought us closer together.  
  
Even my death strengthened our friendship.  
  
You were the one who carried me from the wrecked shuttle,  
  
The one who breathed life back into my lungs  
  
(In one hallucination).  
  
And then I felt so helpless,  
  
Watching you cradle my lifeless body,  
  
Tears streaming down your face.  
  
You told me on the Holodeck you had been so afraid of losing me;  
  
Truth be told, I was afraid of losing you, too.  
  
Over the years,  
  
After the coming of Seven of Nine to Voyager,  
  
I turned my back on you.  
  
What we'd had began to fade from my mind.  
  
Though I took no notice, you continued to do everything,  
  
To help me with the smallest things.  
  
I don't know why you continued to fight through all my walls.  
  
If you hadn't,  
  
I know we wouldn't be here today.  
  
I want you to know I appreciated your persistence  
  
Though I could never say that to your face.  
  
Then once, I thought I'd lost you forever.  
  
After Equinox, we were still smoldering.  
  
I could feel your pain,  
  
Knew it wasn't right how I had treated you,  
  
But I was too proud to back down.  
  
I tried to apologize, but it didn't come out so well.  
  
Somehow, you kept fighting.  
  
And then, Seven started spreading conspiracy theories.  
  
I'm still not sure why we went along with them.  
  
We've been through too much to stop trusting each other.  
  
In the end, I suppose it all worked out.  
  
But at last, you won.  
  
I got tired of fighting you, of fighting myself.  
  
The captain's mask fell away,  
  
And I began to see myself as a human again.  
  
You welcomed my change of heart,  
  
Helping me along the road to rediscovering 'Kathryn'.  
  
I used to think that being captain for my crew  
  
Was the most important thing in the world.  
  
More important even than really living.  
  
I used to believe the greatest honor would be dying to protect my crew.  
  
Now, I realize the only way I want to die is in your arms.  
  
I have to say this quickly, before.never mind.  
  
I love you.  
  
Now and forever.  
  
No matter how much I may have denied it, I know that-  
  
"What are you writing, Kathryn?" he asked, slowly coming up behind her.  
  
Quickly, Kathryn snapped the journal shut. Glancing up at him, she murmured, "Oh, nothing."  
  
"Don't I even get hints?" he teased.  
  
She was about to answer when a young girl stepped into the room. The child was clothed in a pale blue dress perfectly matching her blue eyes. Approaching the pair, she asked, "Aren't you coming? B'Elanna's party starts in five minutes!"  
  
Slowly, Kathryn rose. The girl skipped lightly out of the door, followed by Voyager's captain and her best friend. As they entered the corridor, a young voice rang out.  
  
"Come on, Mommy!"  
  
Kathryn smiled and glanced up at him. Their hands were quietly intertwined, mimicking the design on the wedding ring she wore. On the small golden cylinder, their initials were inscribed, linking the pair together. Their eyes met for a moment, and she glanced at the receding figure in front of her.  
  
Their daughter was such a joy; it was hard to imagine she'd ever denied herself such a life of happiness.  
  
Kathryn stole a last glance at Chakotay. Her daughter had his smile.  
  
That was fairly corny. R + R if you feel like it. 


End file.
